I need more advice~ not with the boy this time

If this is her M.O. what makes you think that when she finally meets "the one" and gets married she is still going to be your best friend. If she doesn't change her ways - she is not worth the time.

darling, this has happend to me. but not w/ bfs but w/other friends. she would hang with me, but when her other h** came, she basically ditched me. uncool. and then she would complain about how they weren't treating her right, blah, blah. so i confronted her. it was ugly. but i felt better. anywho, it ain't about me, what i am trying to say, you did the right choice. yea, you might have lost a friend, but you'll find a new friend.

You guys will get back together (as best friends I mean) because best friends always fight but they do always end up making up. Even if you guys ignore each other, eventually something will happen and you guys will talk again.

The next time she gets a boyfriend and starts ignoring you again, (which will probably always happen with this type of girl), when they break up or if he goes out of town or whatever, and she calls you to talk/hang out, you should be very unavailable to her. Let her leave a message, or if she wants to hang out, say you have plans or have to work or something.

This is just what you have to do with people who dont respect you. You have to slowly, little by little, teach them through example that they cant waste your time. They need to respect the friendship they have with you and treat you how they want to be treated.

Basically, she just needs a dose of her own medicine. You cant always be there for people who arent there for you, even though it may hurt you to hurt them.

The whole trying to talk to her thing, and get all that out in the open thing doesnt usually work with girls like this I've noticed.

With the friends that I've had who have sucked, it just didnt help to call them out on it. It basically ended up with how things did for you guys. It will always blow up in your face. Girls get very defensive with this topic and never want to admit that they are a shitty friend.

So its best to just leave it unsaid, and eventually just be a shitty friend right back to her until she gets the point.

I say let her go. It's apparent that she's only interested in her own feelings, and not yours. Has she ever been a shoulder for you to cry on? Does she listen to you when you go through your personal problems? Sounds like no. That's the beauty of becoming an adult, it's easier to read people and you learn that you don't have time for petty arguments. In the times that she's been hanging with her boyfriend(s), I'm sure you had a real friend that was truly there for you...that's your true BF, not ole girl.

i applaud you for giving her a piece of your mind. miss britt. (i hate people who are like your best friend). she has done this more than once; actually six times! i think THAT'S enough of a sign to let you know this friendship isn't going to go anywhere. if you are her best friend she would let you know about her boy friend, have you hang out with them and doing other things that best friends do.

i think you don't want to give up on it b/c you have been friends with her since 10th grade, but you know what people change through the years. your friend, i think, sees you as a "friend when boredom ensues" and personally THAT is not a friendship worth fighting to keep.

it's a loss battle for your part b/c you'll keep giving her another chance while she keeps doing her thing. i say let her go and focus more on other friendships you have.

I agree with Tiabia

You made the only choice you could... If you hadn't said anything the pattern would have just kept repeating itself until it got to the point that you were no longer just mad at her you had moved on to the point where you hated her. Unfortunately there is no way you can teach her to be a better friend, she has to figure out that on her own.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You better get to livin'" --Dolly P.

thank you so much for all of your comments. I went to sleep feeling so ashamed that i stood up for myself and i no longer will be friends with her. But the way she acted showed she has no feelings for anyone other than herself and quite frankly, i've seen signs of it throughout the years but thought "that's just who she is" but that's not what friendship is about. it's about an equal balance and you have to be there for one another. And when shit hits the fan, or when someone points out your flaws you have to see where they are coming from and then try to figure out what you might need to do to change. but she's not that type of person.

I'm one of those people who never stands up for what i believe in-but with age and getting to know the my true self i thought it was time to finally let her know how this was affecting me. and j2e1n9, it's so true. Whenever i have an issue she sort of just sits there and doesn't help me but finds a way to talk about something that's going on in her life. Probably about how her dog has done some sort of trick or something. She's sort of always been that person who was holding me back and brought of dark feelings that i never really wanted out. So in a way it's a good thing she's no longer in my life. I do feel this is the end and we will never speak again. I mean homegirl deleted me from her myspace. she didn't even just take me out of her friends list. That's saying something. lol.

But thanks again.

you should never feel ashamed if you spoke your mind out, miss britt, especially when you are in the position to do so with how your friend has treated your friendship.

One of my favorite novels is Candide (by Voltaire). I know it sounds pretentious, but it shaped my outlook on relationships during my formative years (around my junior yr in HS). In the book, all of these horrible things happen but at the end, the protagonist comes away with two important conclusions. #1 - All things turn out for the best and #2 - Cultivate your own garden.

#1 - Let your friend ignore you. Sure you will feel horrible; I would worry if you didn't. She was hurting at the time and your words also hurt her. I think you did the right thing with letting her know how you feel. Personally, I'm the passive-aggressive type so I applaud your forthrightness. Let her have the time to get over the break up and her hurt over your words. If the friendship was meant to be, she will come back to you; maybe not today or tomorrow, but some day she will. If it wasn't meant to be, all things turn out for the best and I suggest moving on to #2.

#2 - Please don't spend too much time mourning the loss of this relationship. It sounds as if girlie didn't care much about you anyway. Now that you don't have her black cloud over your head, use the time that you would use cheering her up on yourself! Pamper yourself and relax! Hang out with friends that aren't wrapped up in their boy/girl friends. Cultivate your own garden.

Good luck!

Here i come late as usual
You did the right thing girl. i had the same situation except i didnt feel guilty because i knew i was right and i just ignored her when she was mad at me and guess what? she came right back calling me and msging me trying to be friendly again. I was over her by then but it was her loss of a good friend not mine. Friendship is a 2 way street and she seems too selfish to realize it. Even if she didnt feel she was wrong for dedicating that much time to a boyfriend, she should have at least apologized for hurting your feelings and making you feel neglected.

btw if you cant speak your mind to a friend about something that bothers you about that person or how they treat you, without feeling bad then its not a good healthy friendship

thank you fiend. when i suggested to her maybe saying sorry is what you should say. She couldn't say it.
I mean how hard is that and the more i look back on it i'm so glad she's out of my life. Too much drama, always bringing me down-granted we had some good times but it's not worth it.

Sweetpea-i really love what you wrote and what you got out of that book. Thank you for sharing that.

Her actions seem very SELFISH. She doesn't seem to even notice that you HAVE feelings, let along that she is hurting them. She didn't seem apologetic either. One thing you (hopefully) will learn is that you have to let toxic relationships go. I have had to let go of friends after 12 years because it was too painful to continue being friends with them. You're young. You will find other friends and one of them will reach the golden status of "BFF".

I agree with all the other posters. I went through a similar situation like this years ago. I got tired of being treated like that, and I told her, just like you did. She did the same thing.... cut me out. I realized that she was just using me. We haven't spoken since 1989, and my life has been a lot better with less drama.

You did the right thing, even though it hurts now. You need real friendships that work both ways, and that are open and honest. I think it's best to have a small group of REAL friends instead of a bunch of "fair weather" friends. If she went out of her way to delete you like that, it was meant to send you a message. Don't bother trying to go back to fix it, because she'll have the upper hand and be able to use you again.

Life is too short to put up with toxic, selfish people.

i agree with jenn 100%, adding that at a certain point, I get offended with even having to tell a friend that they are being a bad friend. that is a total turn off to me, in a girl crush, best friend kind of way. its like meeting a really cute guy, talking to him, then realizing years down the line that he doesn't shower, or that his family members are a bunch of inbreds. so disappointing. also, once the bad times start to out weigh the good? I think it is time to keep it movin.....

~*Your focus determines your reality*~

I feel sorry for your friend ;(