Being Compared to your Sibling

I think this is one of the hardest things to deal with when you have siblings. I was very lucky, as were my siblings, that our parents did their absolute best not to compare the three of us. You see my older brother has ADHD and my lil' sister had ADHD, dyslexia and has struggled with depression her entire life. I have ADD but school was pretty easy for me. Maybe instead of avoiding the conversation with your mom you should say:
"I am not my sister. I am me and I have an entirely different set of issues than she does. I am at a point in my life where I am trying to figure out where to go next. The constant comparisons by you to ______ are making it really difficult for me to come to you and talk about it and I am not really sure how we can change that."
By throwing the ball back in her court in a calm and nonaccusitory way you may be able to change her behavior. Everyone deserves to have a good relationship with their mother/father/sibling/etc.

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"You better get to livin'" --Dolly P.

Keep developing your own personality and listen to those that can give you feedback where your sister's shadow is not involved. Keep searching for inspiration to develop your own self and follow it. Best of Luck - You sound strong and sensible, and I am liking the way you are looking at this.

i have always felt superior to my 2 siblings, (older brother and younger sister)regardless of what my parents have said dont ask me why. I think your mom worries about you and your future happiness and she is expressing it by using your sister as an example. I think you should say to her (the next time she says it) that you cant b like her because your a different person and therefore your going to take a different path in life. You should say im glad that ___ has found her path, but notice she is significantly older then me and obviously she has experienced more which has caused her to settle down and focus more. I am still young, this is my oppurtunity to make mistakes and take chances, as long as im not a total screw up try being patient with me. If i hit 30 and still havent made any progress then we can pick this convo back up.

i just reread my comment and i sound like a pompous ass lol. but thats what i had to do to shut my mother up. maybe you can edit it and make it sound softer. oorrr you can listen to Jennifer whose comment was very diplomatic and firm.

I agree with Beachwalker.

Good luck.

I like all the advice.
Do your best Britt!! I am rooting for you!
xoxo!

Y-O-U C-A-N Dooooooooo Ittttttt!

I agree with Fiend.

im confused

thank thanks.

I love you girls. THis morning when i woke up my mom apologize for what she said. But i'm still a little hurt-i haven't told exactly how i felt, i just can't do it just right away. I don't know. But thank you all for your advice and support.

thank thanks.

I love you girls. THis morning when i woke up my mom apologize for what she said. But i'm still a little hurt-i haven't told exactly how i felt, i just can't do it just right away. I don't know. But thank you all for your advice and support.

Aww Britt! I am sorry! I don't really have any words of wisdom here as I have no siblings to be compared to.
Glad to hear that moms apologized though!
And I am always rooting for ya girl!

glad your mom apologized
To love someone your with, you first have to love yourself-unknown

Britt -
I completely understand the whole comparing thing. I have 2 older stepbrothers, 2 younger identical twin brothers, and a younger still half-brother. Everyone was constantly compared to one another, like a contest of who could be the best. After a while, I got a case of the "fugg its", and I decided to be the best me I could be. Now, that I'm 37, I've been married for 15 years to a great man, with 2 boys, and a decent job. I'm the most reliable and accomplished of all of them. Not super famous, but respectable.

So, I think you did a great thing by venting to us. Just stay true to yourself. You can't be exactly like your sister. Just be the best "you" that you can be. Be real, honest, funny and loving. It will shine through.

Just keep this in mind:

”This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
-Shakespeare-Hamlet

You can be nothing but yourself. At least I think that's the best way to go. Too many family's want to compare siblings and I think that's wrong. I'd ignore it and do what feels good to me if I were you. And you have every right to be upset and want to vent.